Morning folks
I don’t remember the full details of what I wrote last week, I do feel the need to take back anything that I may have mentioned about being productive. Whilst I don’t do goal setting, I do like to think about the year ahead a little at the beginning of the month. However, full-time home working, kids off school and a husband who has put his back out has meant that it’s pure survival mode. If the kids have had breakfast by 3pm I have counted that as a winning day. If there has been a slice of apple amongst the miniature heroes then I feel like a fucking superstar.
All that being said, I did have a bloody marvellous new year, celebrating over a couple of days with friends, dogs, games and beaches.
How was your in-betweeny bit?
I am going to try something slightly different to usual for the next few weeks…
…I have my very first poetry chapbook coming out on 4th February. It’s called “Shadow Puppets” and is being published by Bent Key publishing. I am excited and scared in equal measure. I thought that over the next few weeks, I would post a little snapshot of the poems, and show which prompts/writing tips I used in the process. Not coming from an angle of- This is How You Write Poetry, more to show that it’s fun to just play around with words and there’s no great mystique behind writing; it can simply be about taking time, paying attention and playing around to get you started.
I know that there is a whole school of thought that thinks we should just see the end result, but I personally love hearing introductions or back-storys to peoples artwork. If there’s a behind-the-scenes section of a DVD (remember those??), then I am generally going to spend longer watching that than the actual film.
As the release date gets nearer, I am realising that I have absolutely no idea how to talk about or describe this book. I didn’t really write it for anyone other than myself. But here is my attempt…
About Shadow Puppets
This book is a collection of poems that explore memory, connection and identity through the lens of dealing with family members with dementia. I like to think it also looks at what it means to love, care, turn away and generally be a messy human animal in chaotic times. There will be of course be mushrooms, caves and trees.
Memory and nostalgia are tricky beasts. Even without failing synapses, they get easily tangled up and confused. Both my Grandad (or Big Grandad, as the kids call him) and Dad have some form of dementia, though they manifest quite differently. They are very different people. My level of involvement in care has differed over the years, depending on what is needed. My Mum looked after my Grandad every day until his recent move into a home. I just get to be the Grand-daughter who goes and makes conversation and eats mint humbugs.
My Dad is a bit of a different case as he has no spouse, so my brothers, sister and I (mainly my sister) have cobbled together something as best we can manage. For now, it’s workable with the help of paid carers who visit each day.
I found poetry to be a really helpful medium for navigating strange and complex situations. It provides a way of looking at things from different angles. You can play around with the words and two completely opposite emotions about a situation can sit comfortably side by side. This short collection offers zero conclusions about anything, just questions.
Here’s the first poem from the book, called “I’d like the Lightness”
I wrote this after one of the lockdowns. Who even knows which one any more. I had been unable to leave the house for a long time, and it was advised not to go and see elderly relatives. I was worried that by the time I got to see my Grandad again he would have completely forgotten who we all were. So many of us have stories like this.
Once I was feeling well enough and we felt safe to do so, we visited. All masked up and keeping our distance, all the windows open. We were relieved to find that whilst we had slipped down a couple of notches in his memory, he certainly wasn’t perturbed by having a bunch a strangers in the house. And even better, he had absolutely no idea about the pandemic. I felt relief, on his part, and even a slight bit of envy at the lack of knowledge about the state of the outside world. Hence the poem.
Invitation to write/play…
If I remember rightly, the prompt for this came from Kate Clanchy’s book “How to Grow a Poem”. I don’t have it to hand to check, but it was something around thinking of thinking of the feeling you would like to embody in your poem (so for me it was ‘lightness’), and starting with “I’d like the ******* of” as a title.
Then make a big old list of all the things that resemble or encapsulate that feeling you are after. So if you chose “I’d like the energy of” for example, perhaps you would think about trains or spinning tops or mountain goats. Or maybe it’s specific people. Or perhaps you would like “the peace /calm of” something instead. Whatever it is, give yourself time to really think about it and by all means be a bit weird or specific with your examples.
Write about an experience of meeting back up with someone after lockdown and what that felt like. I don’t know about you, but I feel like I don’t remember it all properly. Was there one hug that felt particularly amazing after so long apart?
Hope that prompts something for you. Please share anything you like in the comments, I’d love to hear about your memories of those first reunions, memories of relatives, anything at all.
Much love,
Em x
P.S. There will also be a zoom launch (date TBC) to accompany the physical launch. I would love to offer a few spaces to anyone here who would like to read something they have written. If that is of interest, please let me know.
Congratulations on your book Emily - so chuffed for you! I’d love to take part in your launch via Zoom - how do I get in touch? Nia :)