Rock Girl Summer

new things to explore

photo from last night’s walk on Hest Bank beach

Previous substack posts are enlightening. I repeatedly post about the same things. I often come back to this having crashed another time and trying to find my way out of it. Here I am again!

I feel like I have crashed more times than I care to count this year, and have finally taken some steps towards a different understanding of it. For me, this means fully and properly exploring ideas around neurodivergence, what particular diagnosis fits most for me and what that means going forwards. Yes, I know, me and the rest of the world. For now, it is a largely personal exploration, but one I am finding extremely interesting, now that I have opened myself up to understanding what neurodivergence actually means.

I have many thoughts on all that, but it’s not for now or here. Suffice it to say, that it has just become necessary for me to think about how my brain and body interacts with the world so that I can find a path forward with less burnout and overwhelm.

With this slightly different lense to look through, I tried to do Summer a little differently this year. The results were mixed. I feel I started off strong, and sort of limped towards the end.

I fully realised this year how hard I find the 6 weeks holiday- the change in routine, the lack of structure, the general people-ness and noise everywhere. I know I am not alone in that.

Amidst the regular kids/work juggle, I decided to -

• Prioritise seeing my friends in the easiest way possible for them, and having some longer conversations in place of skimmed WhatsApp updates. It was worth the slightly painful trying to find a time and date each and every time.

• Plan for 3 short weekend trips within a couple of hours drive of home, plenty of time in-between to recover. (Mixed success, given that one was a festival)

• Keep some structure and routine wherever possible. I kept 3 solid days at work each week, made sure to go to my very chilled co-working space when I could.

• Go all-in at the gym. I’m lucky to have a gym that is 10 mins walk form my house and on the beach. It’s my favourite place ever right now. My body has been craving movement much more than it has been craving writing poetry so I’m rolling with it. I have definitely not found a balance though, I’m never sure how to tell whether I need to rest or whether the movement will help re-energise me.

• Just to roll with the things that I love doing, whatever this might look like. (This is not as simple as it sounds. Obviously I live within a family unit and everyone has their own wishes and needs!)

One of the things I enjoyed most was a daily walk to the beach, specifically this big rock. I love piling rocks up on it, and seeing what people add to it. Here’s the rock on various days over Summer, with additions from strangers.

rock conversations

I have a weird compulsion to get back to the rock each day and see what it is looking like.

Writing the caption to the rock pictures reminded me of an older poem I wrote…

‘Ancient Conversation’ by Emily Cooke

I started the summer with a somatic ‘rock-themed’ movement class by

Ruth Allen

, and finished with her gorgeous limited edition pamphlet “Great Geological Controversies’. There’s a definite theme occuring. Just going to lean into it, see what happens.

I feel a shift coming and I don’t quite know what that looks like yet. For now, I’m trying to follow my nose, stay open to various possibilities and say yes to the music and poetry gigs that come up, weird collaborations or different ways of working.

I have no idea how to juggle all these things with full time work and kids, but fuck it, let’s see.

I would love to see you at one of them.

Thanks for reading. I’m hitting send then buggaring off to a youth hostel on my own to try and find some sort of equilibrium before the week begins again.

Take it easy

Em x