I have never

small steps in a different direction

Happy Sunday folks

I’m enjoying the commitment I made to myself to put something out into the inter-sphere every Sunday, because otherwise, on weeks like this, I would have done absolutely no writing whatsoever. Life is busy in a good way, but my brain cells don’t feel like they are working by 4pm, it’s cold and quite frankly all I want to do is curl up and watch The Bear on Disney Plus (hard recommend from me).

This week has been an odd one. We finally cemented some ideas we have had about moving and set some wheels in motion by applying for schools in another city. If all goes to plan, we should be moving to stay with friends next Summer with only a vague idea of where we will live after that and where the kids will actually go to school.

I’ve never moved far. I’ve lived in Bolton for a long time. I followed my boyfriend at the time to uni in Manchester like an idiot, made a couple of good friends whilst living there but spent most of my third year back in Bolton. To be fair to myself, I had discovered one of my favourite pubs in the world and met an entire world of musicians, friends and one husband. So there was good reason, and I have zero regrets about it. A day after I started my first proper job after uni, I found out I was pregnant. So we quickly found a house and hunkered down. I have honestly loved being close to family and friends during this time.

I’ve also never really been a grass is greener type of person; Bolton can verge on a bit of a shit hole but it’s also really beautiful and there are many, many wonderful people here. I love living on the next street to my best mate and knowing that there is someone to grab a half hour walk with within 5 minutes of texting. I love having our family so close so that the girls have a close relationship with them. I love having a wild swim spot 5 minutes drive from my house. I love that our street is a busy one but has loads of trees on it, and that we live 5 minutes from a really good park. I love the fact that every time something goes wrong with my car I just shout JOOHHHN somewhere near my neighbours house and he comes and helps me. His name is John. That would be weird if it wasn’t. I don’t really know what I’m doing by moving, all I know is it feels like the time to do it, and something about the past 2 years has goaded us into it.

Something about having Long Covid, having to stay very still in a room for months lest my body go haywire, and watching my best laid plans for my business and the kids schooling etc. completely turned upside down by a pandemic has made me care much less about controlling every aspect of my life. I don’t personally believe that everything happens for a reason, just that everything happens and we make of it what we will. I care much less about control and much more about curiousity. (As Elizabeth Gilbert says; “you never had control, you just had anxiety.”)

My shop is no longer my place of work and walking past it feels strange. I don’t have the same connection to the area that I did. It feels different. Is that a good enough reason to uproot a whole family? Very possibly not. But also, why not? Naturally there are a whole host of other reasons we are considering this move, I’m just telling you mine here.

This is a strange newsletter. I didn’t intend to write about this in any detail, but there you have it; the weirdness of the writing process. Who doesn’t love a good overshare of a Sunday morn?

Anyway, onto the writing prompt.

I’m not sure how much this ties in any more, but in thinking about the things I have never done, Simon Armitages’ famous poem; “It Ain’t What You Do, It’s What It Does To You” popped into my head.

poem by Simon Armitage from www.oatridge.co.uk

I really love this poem, and the title says everything I would need to say about it really. Perhaps it doesn’t really match what I’ve been talking about because this poem is all about it not mattering about the size of your experience, all that matters is how you experience it. But something about it rings true for me at the moment.

Invitation to write/play…

Could you write your own version or response to this? It doesn’t have to be a poem. But you could explore:

• Things you have never done but want to. Describe how they smell, sound, feel. Step inside them and have a good poke around.

• You could take this further and take those descriptions of things you have never done, and think about what you HAVE done that has the same sort of feelings.

• Lists are your friend here. Free-write as much as possible until you have lots of different ideas down. Think of both big and small things you have never done. When you have lots on a page, pick a few out and really dig into them.

  Here’s my version, in case it prompts something for you. I had no idea what I was writing about when I started, but somehow in creating a big old list of things I had done/never done, the more religious/spiritual elements started popping out, so I went along with it. And then I stole the last line, like a true artiste.

  

  

  Incidentally, this poem is going to be in my book “Shadow Puppets” that comes out with Bent Key Publishing in February 2023.

Let me know what comes up for you, or what you manage to write. Please feel free to pass this along to whoever may like it, it’s free and I have no plans to change that at the moment.

Much love

Em

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What are you watching/listening to/reading this week? Some things I’ve been enjoying…

• Reading “Faith, Hope and Carnage”, an extended conversation between Nick Cave and Sean O’Hagan.

• I love anything behind-the-scenes-ish. Really enjoying Light and Magic on Disney, all about the special effects team responsible for Star Wars and lots of other programmes.

• Also, The Bear.