i am running into a new year

gentle structures for messy lives

Doffcocker Lodge on the solstice

Morning folks

I wanted to write on this side of 1st January, hence the earlier than usual letter. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to send something out about the new year, even though every man and his dog is doing it.

This is not a newsletter about visioning, goals or dreaming big. I’m all for it if that works for you, but I no longer really feel that big #lifegoals are a thing for me.

That being said, I do love an end of year reckoning, and this liminal time between Christmas and new year works as well as any other. I know it’s not the case for everyone, but the collective pause eases the pressure of forward motion; we have a shared understanding that we will be shit at Doing Productivity for these two weeks.

If you are so inclined for a retrospective look on the year/forward look at the next, might I suggest a compassionate one?

From a mental health perspective, I do think there is a lot to be said for giving yourself time to reflect before plunging back into regular life, but it doesn’t need to be particularly stretching or punitive. It’s good to know what matters to you before you become subsumed in what matters to everyone else. It’s good to know where your limits and boundaries are before you figure out ways to contribute or be of use. This is not a selfish thing, this is survival.

Post pandemic/illness, I am much less inclined to make big 5 year plans. I know that this works for some people, but being incapacitated for so long really made me realise how progress/goal orientated we are, myself included. Big long term plans assume a level of certainty about health and situation that I don’t find helpful and I feel I am setting myself up for failure. And these are not normal times to live through. We need to go easy on ourselves.

These days I prefer to think of a gentle structure, holding things together whilst they flap about. Tent poles perhaps, or umbrella wires. Something flexible and collapsible if needed. Things will change, curveballs will be thrown; how do we keep ourselves malleable enough to weather these things whilst keeping ourselves upright?

This year there are some larger scale events for our family on the horizon. We are moving to a completely new town and the kids are changing schools. I have a book coming out and a band I would love to gig with. There are certain things that I do need to forward plan to make these things happen, whilst taking care of myself and the people I love most. The only way I feel able to do this is to stop and think about how to approach things. Last year I had no plans other than to further recover my health, but this year feels like I can stretch things out a little, so I will.

Perhaps this is all too navel-gazey for you. In which case, you could take Lucille Clifton’s approach and run full force into a new year, begging forgiveness and compassion as you go…

I love this poem and its’ energy. It feels like it was all written in one sitting very quickly; a brisk prayer whilst racing forward.

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Invitation to write/play

There will be a way of doing this that works best for you. Change it up however you like. You could…

• Try an exercise that really works for me, copied from

  The Isolation Journals with Suleika Jaouad
  which is to make 5 lists;

  1. What are you most proud of this year?

  2. What are you hoping for and wanting to happen this following year?

  3. What is causing you anxiety?

  4. What hard things have you gotten through this last year? What did you learn and how did you support yourself?

  5. What are your wildest, most harebrained ideas and schemes?

  I find it useful to freewrite and be exhaustive with these lists. The point is to stretch the brain out a bit and really dig into what you have achieved and what you want.

• Write about what your gentle structure could consist of. Describe what would it look like? What materials would you use? Would it be more of a spiderweb? Make this visual if you need to.

• Use the Lucille Clifton poem to write your own. Start with ‘i am running into the new year’. The language is hopeful and brisk and less reflective. Perhaps this suits your mood better and gives you a sense of urgency and that feels good.

There are countless ways to approach this, let me know if you find a way that works for you and as ever, feel free to share in the comments. I would love to hear what you are wanting to do over the coming year, or what you have been most proud of.

Take is easy.

Em x